amkuska posted a nifty exercise wherein you list the Ten Novels You Will Never Write. I’m putting a slightly different spin on it. Since I’m a movie buff and completely hack wanna-be filmmaker, I’m going to list the Ten Films You Will Never Make. They are:
Redneck Demon Axe-Wielding Alien Assassins from Beyond Time. I wrote this title back when I was in high school, hoping one day I’d be able to write the screenplay. I started to years ago, but nothing I wrote was anywhere as cool as the title. I think the title says it all anyway.
Murder Most Fowl. An idea I had years ago, it involves Daffy Duck’s murder and a conspiracy deep within Warner Bros. Studios. I’m absolutely certain I’d never get clearances from Warner.
Risen Again. What if the South rose again, this time as zombies?
Game Day. Terrorists attack all over the U.S. during the Superbowl. (No Jack Bauer. No Chuck Norris.)
Winchester House: The Shining 2. Danny Torrance, now in his forties, and his wife and daughter are visiting his elderly mother in San Jose, CA. They go sight-seeing and take a tour of Winchester House, and the house and its residents want Danny and his daughter to stay.
Galakian. A detective following up on a suspicious death uncovers strange family troubles in a bizarre (yet modern) mountain community, unusual links to astronomy, theoretical physics, religion and archaeology, and quite possibly the end of the world. Based on the works of H.P. Lovecraft, of course.
Garden Variety. A formerly murderous psychopath trying to live a nice, quiet life after years of, well, being a murderous psychopath moves from the city out to the country. Alas, he finds things just aren’t so simple.
Bad Movie. What if a Cubist directed a film, starring actors who didn’t speak the same language, using a script written by an idiot and translated by Altavista’s BabelFish, with audio that didn’t match the video? It’d be interesting, I bet.
Voon. Something unusual goes on during group therapy at a mental hospital, and all is not as it seems… if it ever was to begin with… if it ever happened anyway… if there’s any way to be sure.
Scoundrel. About Thomas Alva Edison.