doomed from the get-go


One reason I’m working my way back from where I am is marriage. Specifically, it’s misguided marriage. I was married from 1992 to 2007. I didn’t know it, but it was on shaky ground even before it began. What happened right after we got married pretty much cinched it as a “bad ride”. What was going on? Expectations vs. Reality. That doesn’t usually end well.

I was a highly-creative actor/writer/director who’d worked years to climb the regional theatre ladder. I was probably within two or three years of “hitting my stride” in the area theatre and (burgeoning) film scene. I was having a great time, and I was in love. Specifically, I was in love with my girl, with theatre and writing,  and in love with being in love. That last bit is what got me in trouble, really.

Another reason is two months after getting married I caught cryptococcal meningitis and fell into a coma. I also experienced cascading organ system failure and needed a liver transplant. I also had pneumonia. I died on the operating table on January 11, 1993, but the doctors brought me back. Recovery took almost a year, given everything that happened. Life would never be the same, not even close, not by a million miles. It really was the beginning of the end of my marriage. We just didn’t (want to) know it then.

I’m not going into any more what happened right now. Frankly, it’s all only icing on the cake. It suffices to say that everything after that point was a string of predominantly poor choices on my part. They were mostly based on my trying to make other people, my wife in particular, happy. Expectations vs. Reality, remember? Basically I just dug the hole deeper and deeper over time. By the time it was over I was so far under that I’d almost forgotten what the sky looked like. I’m trying to dig myself out now and get back whatever I can of the self I left behind.

Of course, the story is really quite complicated in detail. That’s the very short of it. It’ll do, for now.

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