crap.

I can’t put what I want to say into words. It’s not formed enough in my noggin yet, I reckon. It’s aggravating. I know what I want to say. Really. It just doesn’t come out in anything other than a ramble. Must be something big. Blarg.

I hate it when I have big ideas but can’t enunciate them.

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stuff and things

Now that I’m forty years old… I believe I may be hitting my stride again. Things have been clicking back into place. It’s not been by design, I assure you. I’ve just been doing my regular, daily stuff, living the usual day-by-day routine and being myself. I resolved a while back I wasn’t going to “try” to “get it together”. Thing work out best, for me at least, when I don’t force them. That’s contrary to much of what I see, hear, and read in the popular culture, but them’s the breaks. I live by my own anecdote.

I may go to the library today to find a biography of Thomas Jefferson. I’ve learned a fair amount about him over the years, just not the details. He puzzles many people, apparently. At least that how it appears to me. So… I’m going to start reading a bit about him and seeing what there is on him. He was definitely an interesting, complex man, and so I’m expecting a good read.

Last night, I emailed some sociology professors, one at the University of Wisconsin and one at the University of California, and asked them about ethnicity and race. I was under the impression since high school and college that the two may overlap but were not the same thing. Over the past few years I’ve seen the two often used interchangeably. Looking for information online, I found varying definitions and interpretations. So I decided to field those who are most likely to be able to illuminate me on the issue.

I re-watched this year’s season of Doctor Who over the past three weeks. Most of it just doesn’t click for me. I’ve read and listened to many people explaining why I should and/or how I’m mistaken, but it comes down do this: De gustibus non est disputandem. And so it goes.

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seeing too much

What has been seen cannot be unseen. As glib and funny as that saying has become online, that’s how experience works. You never know until the experience, and once it happens… it can’t unhappen. It is always with, inside you, regardless of how much you try consciously or unconsciously to bury it. It has an effect on who you are in that you are never the same after. The event doesn’t have to be an external physical event, like a car accident or walking in on you mom and dad having sex. “Eureka!” moments do the trick as well, when some realization hits you after your subconscious has figured something out.

It’s not usually as cut and dried or either/or, but for the purposes of illustration I put it like that. Usually you put things together little by little over time, noting happenings and occurrences, reacting minutely as you go until over a period of time. And one day you finally sense the world is no longer to you as it was before. You’ve undergone a sea change. Maybe you consciously knew something was going on. Maybe you didn’t. But there it is, a change you can neither ignore nor bury. You have evolved, for better or worse or neither.

I had a birthday recently. For it I got a realization. I finally came to the conscious conclusion of something that had been brewing for quite some time. I’m still having something of a time enunciating it, though. It’s quite different from what I thought I knew, from how I saw the world and its dwellers. Some of the people with whom I’ve shared my newly found thinking have been at the same time in general agreement and, to smaller extents, a bit sad or shocked. My grandmother, who turned 92 on the 1st of this month, was some pleased and unsurprised. It usually takes people a lifetime to get here… if they ever do, she said. A friend of mine, who is 88, a retired professor emeritus of philosophy in a nearby metro, said that now I had a chance to be genuinely effective, provided I don’t get stuck in my own head. I just have to get past the disappointment and relative disgust of it all, which both of them say will soon pass.

It about human nature, you see.

I may write more on this later, though I plan to get back to Garden Variety fairly soon.

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If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. (via SEXY)

I can pronounce all the words correctly.

I’m an English language geek.

(This is not my poem!) Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it’s written.) Now I surely will no … Read More

via SEXY

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One day off turned into a few days off. I lol.

What’s been going on since I’ve been away from the online world? Well…

I finished reading Hitchens’ No One Left To Lie To: The Values of the Worst Family. He nailed not only the Clintons. He called out the various disparate component groups of the American Left, the Republicans, the so-called mainstream media, and intellectuals/talking heads. It wasn’t just breathtaking. It was everything I’d ever thought about the Clintons and American politics in general… and why… and then some. I didn’t trust, respect, or admire the Clintons from day one, and it had nothing to do with the jersey they wore. As people I instinctively knew they were rotten, more rotten and malignant than almost anyone else of power or influence in western politics. I may be in the nonpartisan minority, to be sure, but it’s some small comfort that I’m in good company.

I also discovered my ex-wife has been having me on about “vacation” days. As per our divorce agreement, we share custody, and the kids split time between us on a schedule. Up to fourteen days a year we can take time off (from childcare) to go on vacation or whatever. Apparently, she’s been dishonest with me about stuff, and I’m going to have to confront her soon and tell her she is minus two days (that I know of) because she willfully disobeyed the judge-approved and enforceable terms of our agreement. I wouldn’t mind really but for that when it comes to me taking time off she is absolutely strict and unyielding. I really don’t like this kind of thing, but it’s something I have to deal with.

I’ve also been out enjoying the weather a bit. The past few days have been really beautiful, cool. When the hurricanes stroll across the Atlantic and up the eastern seaboard or into the Gulf it really does improve inland weather dramatically. People’ve told me that’s insensitive and mean that I say that. My response is that if those who live in those parts of the country don’t realize by now that there are going to be hurricanes and floods every fall and that it’s going to rough their lives up and maybe cost lives and billions of dollars to repair, then they have something wrong with them. That’s like living in Kansas or Iowa and complaining about all the tornadoes. I am reminded of the old George Carlin quote: “If you don’t like the weather, move.”

I wrote a segment of dialogue for Garden Variety. It’s a bit where the retired serial killer speaks to the town’s Catholic priest in the confessional booth and he comes out and says what he is and the problem he’s having. The dialogue wanders and hobbles about, but it’s a start. It’s cementing a few notions, ruling others out finally, and giving me a few new ideas for nuance.

That’s the big stuff that’s been going on. I’s not much really. I just needed the time away. It’s good to log out for a while every so often.

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Sustainability: Building a Consensus between Liberals & Conservatives (via Alex Zorach’s Blog)

Sustainability: Building a Consensus between Liberals & Conservatives Typically, in America, environmentalism is seen as a “liberal” issue.  Public perception, especially among liberals, is that liberals care about the environment more than conservatives, and that the solution to environmental problems lies in historically liberal approaches to politics and problem-solving. However, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.  There are many ways in which conservative ideals and approaches can be used to preserve, pro … Read More

via Alex Zorach’s Blog

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xu do se jbobau

I am so often easily diverted. It’d be laughable if it weren’t so entertaining. The writing’s taken a back seat to reading some nonfiction. I can’t explain it, not rationally anyway. I’m sure there are plenty of possibilities for it, but I don’t really care what they are. It’s just happening. C’est la vie. I’ll get back to Garden Variety when it needs me to. For now, my curiosity on certain topics must be satisfied. Why? For no other reason than I liked the titles of the books when I was browsing Amazon.com recently. I’m a sucker for a good title.

The book I started on the other day is The Drunkard’s Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives. The next book in line is The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. Next up is Quirkology: How We Discover The Big Truths In Small Things. Then bringing up the rear is No One Left To Lie To: The Values Of The Worst Family. In order, the authors are Mlodinow, Schwartz, Wise, and Hitchens. (That sounds like a New York law firm, doesn’t it?) As my tastes and preferences are with so many things, my tastes in reading material are eclectic.

Regarding Garden Variety, by the way… I decided not to use the cosmic horror/supernatural element suggested by my son. It’s an interesting idea, one I’ll probably try to use in a later story. It’s just I am going to stick with my original inclination and make the story about a personal, if bizarre, struggle concerning a very human, if bizarre, problem. I want the relative evil to be definitely human-sourced for this one.

I’ll be editing my keyword searches here on WordPress soon. “Creativity” won’t be on my list any more. More often than not what I read is either about some aspect of commercial business or some sort of video or meme repetition. Maybe 20% of what I wind up reading concerns creative peoples’ creative processes and enterprises, and I don’t like spending that much time separating the wheat from the chaff. I’ll mine for blog posts some other way. I’ll be creative.

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